I’m afraid that I will get a zit on my face right before I leave for Sedona. I already have one, so it isn’t all that unrealistic. I’m afraid that I will get sick and be miserable while in Sedona. I’m afraid that my kids will cry for four days, that I will cry for four days, that the kids will never forgive me and that John will meet someone else while out with the children and leave me for her because she would never have the audacity to leave her kids for a vacation. I’m afraid that really, I am quite annoying to be around. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to sleep, that it will rain the whole time, that my hair really doesn’t look as cute as I think it does.
I also fear that my family will die in a horrible car crash while I am gone or become maimed in some way and I will be unreachable because my cell phone sucks a big bunch of donkey ass. I worry that one of my friends will die on the way here (sorry ladies) and I will have to live with the guilt for the rest of my life. I am afraid that I no longer know how to be mature. I am pretty sure that I never really knew how to be mature.
I hope I don’t forget to pack my anxiety medication.
There is a real possibility that I have no idea how to complete thoughts anymore or that I can’t actually string sentences together without sounding a little like Woody Allen on meth. What if my eczema acts up? Or someone judges me because I just revealed that I have eczema? Oh dear god. What if…really…what if I am really only tolerated by the people around me and no one has actually had the balls to tell me that I am a horrible and uninteresting person?
What if I look fat? Seriously, what if I gain like, 10 pounds in 4 days and have low self esteem the entire time I am on vacation? What if I am the only one with cellulite? Sweet Jesus! I will be the only one with cellulite. I probably will be the only one with like, 17 bruises on my legs because I move too fast and always bang into things. I know that at least one woman that is coming still has abs, so already there’s that.
What if I get bitten by a rattle snake and we are so far from the nearest hospital that my legs turn black, paralyzed and fall off? It happens. I’m also afraid that I may drop my camera in the creek like John did the last time we were in Sedona. At least there is no risk of me also falling in while holding Luca which is what happened to John. What if Sedona gets hit with an epidemic and we all need to be quarantined? Wait. That may be fun, actually.
I suppose though, that the real question is, what happens if I don’t want to come back?