Things You’ll Never Read On A Facebook Status.

Holy vaginal discharge!

My god, my period is so heavy right now

LOL!!!!!! My kid just fell and broke his arm!

God, I hate my kids.

You people are so fucking stupid.

Love love loving Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason!

Look at this picture of my butt. Isn’t it huge?

Guys, my life is so boring!

Man, I LOVE smoking crack!

I should never have had sex with my brother.

OMG! Watch this video of baboons cuddling! 2 cute!

I am so. Funny.

Ugh. Couldn’t afford groceries again today. FML.

HELP!!! What is your favorite porno?

OMG you guys! I just totally pooped my pants!

Help! Do you think I should divorce my husband?

I could totally eat escargot all day long.

So the Easter bunny came today. What a DICK!

I have a toenail fungus.

Crap! I’m pregnant.

Just found out my due date and I’m totally pissed. I was supposed to be in the f*@king Bahamas!

Unicorns are so amazing!

My scalp is soooooooo flaky! Ugh!

OK. Who is Jesus?

Just scheduled my abortion! So excited!

FYI: I’m actually a man.

I always feel so much better after playing Farmville.

Check out my colostomy bag, bitches!

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8 Comments

Filed under All of them.

8 responses to “Things You’ll Never Read On A Facebook Status.

  1. Well, that is just because you are not my Facebook friend… 🙂
    Holy vaginal discharge Batman!

    • Perhaps we should rectify that? And…you know I live in Tucson? We could put our blogging powers together and form the ultimate superblogger. For reals though, next time you are in town, let’s collaborate and interview each other.

      • I would love to collaborate and interview the next time I am in Tucson although I don’t know if the world is ready for just how super our superblogger powers would be if combined. Unfortunately we are only in Tucson once or twice a year so it will be awhile.
        As for the FB friend thing – I have an account and I am rather drab and boring (my mom, aunts, younger cousins, and the babysitter are all friends and I don’t want to shock or offend them). On the other hand “Shoes”, my alternate identity, does not have an account. Maybe I need to fix that and then get back to you on the whole FB friend thing…

  2. Kath Wickham

    Were you cackling as you wrote these? (Please say “yes,” and validate my mental image…)

  3. Pam

    LOL. This is awesome.

  4. Xerlan

    Actually I saw the unicorn one once. Very, very funny though!

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