Holy vaginal discharge!
My god, my period is so heavy right now
LOL!!!!!! My kid just fell and broke his arm!
God, I hate my kids.
You people are so fucking stupid.
Love love loving Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason!
Look at this picture of my butt. Isn’t it huge?
Guys, my life is so boring!
Man, I LOVE smoking crack!
I should never have had sex with my brother.
OMG! Watch this video of baboons cuddling! 2 cute!
I am so. Funny.
Ugh. Couldn’t afford groceries again today. FML.
HELP!!! What is your favorite porno?
OMG you guys! I just totally pooped my pants!
Help! Do you think I should divorce my husband?
I could totally eat escargot all day long.
So the Easter bunny came today. What a DICK!
I have a toenail fungus.
Crap! I’m pregnant.
Just found out my due date and I’m totally pissed. I was supposed to be in the f*@king Bahamas!
Unicorns are so amazing!
My scalp is soooooooo flaky! Ugh!
OK. Who is Jesus?
Just scheduled my abortion! So excited!
FYI: I’m actually a man.
I always feel so much better after playing Farmville.
Check out my colostomy bag, bitches!